brandon, it sounds like you have had quite an experience. i'm sorry to hear that you've had to deal with what sounds to be a pretty tramatic experince. for what its worth, someone once told me, "we all get a turn". it looks like it's been your turn lately. hearing those words were comforting to me, at a time when i could use the comfort of knowing that we're never alone. life can be hard sometimes and i'm glad to hear that you are getting through this.

8-10 hours is quite a lot of sleep, IMO. we're all different and we all require different amounts of sleep, but i have been growing well on less than 8 hours of sleep with 2 short mid day naps, for a long time. thats just me. it may not work for you. in fact, it may not even be perfect for me either, but i'm a busy person and don't really have much else of an option. still, if you are getting 7 hours, i imagine you can still make gains.

now lets talk steroids. first off, if you want your therapy to work, you have to be open and honest. i have a good feeling your therapist is not hip on this idea haha. i know. you're probably not going to find a therapist that says, "yea, go out and gear up", and there are a lot of misinformed people about what AAS is, but i'm leaning towards saying it might not be your best idea, for right now. there are other options, and i'll get into them. but as for AAS, i find that steroids tend to amp up whatever you're already feeling. if you feel unstable at all, they may make you more unstable. it may be in your best interest to focus on your mental health first and then think about gear when everything is back to normal. also, androgens can very easily effect your sleep. i dont think they are CNS stims, but i'm certain that even the most well adjusted man can cause insomnia. plus, if you've run gear, you know you eventually have to come off of it, and PCT is no party. even for a guy not suffering from angst and depression, it can be tough when your test levels are at 0. take someone who recently suffered a major event and there is no telling how they'd respond.

that doesnt mean that you can't work hard and make good gains and it doesn't mean you can't gear back up in the future. i'd just give yourseld some more time before going back to AAS. for me, training and the BB lifestyle can be some of the best therapy out there. nothing helps me sleep better than banging it out in the gym. my sessions are best when my diet is 100% in order. i'm sure that if you've been off of your game lately, your diet and training have suffered from time to time. i'd bet there is more you can do to improve that and get even more out of the BB lifestyle. from there, if you really want to look into using PEDs to take things to the next level, you might want to stick with some peptides for the time being. i think the single best peptide for our sport, if you had to pick one to use alone, is IGF LR3. this stuff will quickly add some fluid to your muscles and improve your pumps. it is "insulin like" and will help to shuttle nutrients to the muscle and speed up growth. even a low dose will make a noticable difference to my training. i'd start with 30mcg preworkout and sip a little dextrose with creatine and BCAAs while you train. the beauty about peptides are, you aren't going to effect your mood, one way or the other. other peptides to look into is GH. without steroids, it isnt going to add much lean muscle, but 3 IU a day will help with fat loss and for many, for starters though, look into IGF LR3

best of luck my friend and i hope life keeps getting better. stay positive.