This is interesting. I feel the same way. On gear, I'm stronger and more driven, but overall, I feel healthier and overall better, when my test is in the normal range. As for how you looked, dbol is never going to make you look beach ready. It's going to pour in the fluid and make you strong. Its a great means to an end, when the goal is growing, but its not where you want to be year round. If you want to add more size without losing shape, keep an eye on your sodium intake while on gear and keep the water intake high. You want to keep flushing your system, so that you hold less sub-q fluid. Drugs that give high amounts of fluid are usually going to be the ones that give the best gains, but you can also go with a milder drug, that will allow you to maintain better shape while "on". Maybe try a little less test, 350mg EW and opt for EQ, if you want to do a bulking cycle. If you want to diet down, all of this won't be as much of a concern. Using a little more AI and hardening drugs like the DHT's, primo, winny, or Mast, you will be able to maintain, if not improve your look.